Hi there. My name is Stan, and I am running for
(fill in the blank).
A little biographical background.
At one point or another in my life, I have violated every
one of the Ten Commandments, and several more besides. I killed human beings
and burned down their houses (for which I was paid and praised); and then I did
a lot of drugs and alcohol. I used prostituted women, too, in my youth, as well
as masturbating to pornography. I violated quite a few secular statutes, too,
from selling weed to assault and battery to driving drunk, conspiracy, grand
larceny, and a few things I can't afford to admit in this public venue.
Later in life, I felt pretty badly about some of this stuff,
and I directed my own guilt into rage at the system that formed me, so I became
a communist. Some of my friends are still communists, even some (gasp!) Black
communists!
